I like the people I know here, they make me feel welcome. Let me start out saying that; if I don't, the rest of this could sound angry or depressed at life.
This time around, moving to a new place and a new country, I've been more reminded of where I'm from more than anything. Maybe it's that I'm used to moving overseas now, or maybe it's that Norway is quite different. Oddly enough, there's something within the media I consume in English and Finnish that just resonates within me in a way completely separate from the media I'm absorbing here in Norway. In a new place, the cultures I feel like I belong to more are making me more aware of it. ... Or maybe I just haven't been here long enough.
Another thing I'm more aware of is English...
Oh, English. There are times I almost don't want to admit what role you play in my life, and the mark you left on me... But, now I'm learning what you mean to me again. From across a noisy room or down the street outside, I know it's you the moment I hear you. I can read your lips when I can't hear you, and when I can hear you clearly, I know what emotions you're feeling when you talk. I even know what you're thinking when you're trying to cover it up, and I know how to best express myself with you. When my faculties are with me, I can think of a multitude of words to describe an idea, but after enough thought, I always know which one is right.
We grew up side by side, you taught me how to look at the world. You taught me what the colors were, how to swear, how to talk my way around anything. You helped me laugh, you helped me perfect my art of sarcasm and snark. You were there through most of my friendships, relationships, you know my family. I guess until I'd left the U.S. this last time, I'd never really noticed what you meant to me, and now I know... I miss you.
I can make it, of course. I'm okay, I'm great! New places are always good, I just don't know how many more new places there can be after this one. It may take another to figure it out, but if that's how it's gotta be, I'm fine with that. :)
Conjugate! | 3 verbs conjugated | permalink
I know some of you still read this, and it's cool to know. To the rest of you who are seeing this and going, "WTF, he's still updating? How come I haven't seen anything?" Drop me a comment. I haven't been making public updates in a while, just because I guess the past few years have taught me how Googleable life is/has become. Friends-only is a lot more awesome, if just to make sure things aren't getting indexed even though my settings say they shouldn't be.
As for my life though, I'm alive, and well, and in a new country. More news upon request. :)
Conjugate! | 14 verbs conjugated | permalink
I feel like writing a whole lot right now, and I have a whole lot to say. This is a reminder to myself to do so at some point in the nearer future. Nearer than before, anyway.
Minor note of possible importance: I'm phoneless for a little while. Either my phone was lost, or someone found it and didn't return it. I've got more evidence for the latter, so I cancelled its service. It wasn't even a particularly amazing phone, which makes it a bit surprising, and whoever found it turned it off, so that lack of signal is pretty clear to me. Some people are assholes, and I hate that. In my book, you always return someone's phone no matter how cool you think it is. But whatever, just a phone. Only thing important on there was the fact that it was connected to my gmail account, so I changed the password. EZ PZ. Also, turning it on again requires typing in a password, and they'd have to completely reset it somehow to get around that, so no problem.
Other note: I have this job until February at the latest. I feel like leaving earlier. There are other places to go, and other places to be for a while, and I need to persue one of those things at least, and I need to do that soon before I lose sight of it. I'm more afraid of losing sight of it than I am of not knowing where to go.
Anyway, out the door with me. Who knows what this night has in store.
Conjugate! | 8 verbs conjugated | permalink
Tahtoizin männä monih paikkoih ku tüösopimukšen aigamiärä on mennün ohi, no en tie mih pidäü männä enžih. Voizin küllä jiähä tänneh samah tüöpaikkah jesli vuan tahtoizin, no ulkomua da paikat valtion ulkona soitah. Tahon männä vaikka Chicagoh tai Brasilih tai Norjah tai Helsinkih, no vaigieda on piättüä mih oigiestit tahon männä. Voi küllä käühä kaikkial, no pidäü enžih männä johkin. Siässän rahua läksiekseni, no pidäü ruaduo ja siästiä viel enemikseh jesli lähen pois muasta.
En muulleh tie mikši tahon läksie ni kovasti, da viime kerda ku miusta tuntui samalda läksin Suomeh. Tuo oliki hüvä, da šen tagie duumaičen što pidäü tehä samoin tuaš. Hmm.
Conjugate! | 7 verbs conjugated | permalink
(Click to maek moar big for moar info)
So, we've moved to a new theatre as you may or may not know. Next Saturday (July 19th) will be Rocky-mom's anniversary show, as well as a post-CONvergence Costume CONtest. The latter is basically another excuse for people who worked hard on convergence (and other con, or non-con) costumes over the past few months to show them off again and maybe win a (omfg) prize for their work. So, if you're a costume designer, nerd, or want to come worship the Lips once more, get your ass over to the Mounds Theatre!
Made some general fliers for the shows, and uploaded a photo— the original file doesn't quite do it justice. Looks great on paper! If anyone wants some, send me an email or call and we can arrange a drop-off. I've got a crap-ton of 'em.
While I was uploading the photo, I discovered some I'd taken of Lakewood Cemetery:
I need to get out and click-click-click more.
In other news, I'm taking on some more freelance stuff ‘going forward’. Yay!
Conjugate! | 7 verbs conjugated | permalink
... was quite nice this year. The weather wasn't unbearably hot, and I feel like this year I needed it a bit more. I missed connecting with some people I would have liked to see, but then, if I ask you a yes/no question, and the response is neither; that response means 'no' in Minnesota(n).
I needed pride this year not because I need to go and be the gayest person ever, but because I need to see that that's not all there is to it, and because I need to stop being bitter about it all. I love the drag queens, I love the glitter, I love the sequins and the ridiculous level of gayness, but in the end I'm glad to see all types of people around holding hands and just being themselves. I like seeing everyone: the androgyny, the people who are just like me, kinda nerdy, shy; people who I'd assume were straight if they weren't holding hands with someone of the same gender, people who aren't white and also gay (imagine!), the lesbians who are so hot they make me question myself, and of course, the shirtless guys in the tightest underwear you've ever seen.
What has been bothering me in particular is more the conflicts of logic that I see amongst people who like to promote social justice. I guess I'm over some of those now, because I now see the purpose of an event like gay pride. Sure, it may bring people together to focus solely on sexual orientation and gender identity (which is in itself something that I feel like we shouldn't capitalize on if we truly want equality), but it lets you see that this could be anyone, and it's only a day; so it's like getting a shot: at the cost of a little pain, you've maybe protected yourself from rabies.
My only fear is that this isn't the view that the news and other non-participants take away from it. They see a bunch of gay people out there celebrating the fact that they're gay, and assume that we think that this is the only and best way to live life. Maybe it is, though. Maybe the need to reëvaluate your life because you realize you're not living the prominent narrative available in society somehow improves you and makes you more of a conscious observer of life. Maybe we all need some sort of crisis (perceived or real) to make sure we're really in the right place. Maybe the people who get the wrong message from pride events wouldn't get the right one if it were spoon-fed to them.
Every once and a while I get in this rut of frustration over life and my place in it, because I feel like there's too much pressure to fit the gay bill, and that I may be missing out on forming better connections with people who I do like because of my avoidance of things I don't like about 'gay culture'. I'm mainly bothered by the fact that people need to show that they like men in a way that is more than just looking at them in the right way, and I'm still annoyed at the fact that what people say ("Be proud of being gay!") is not what is meant: "Be proud of who you are as a human". It's taken me a while to figure the messages out, but it's equivalent to saying "God bless you" to anyone who may not believe in god; the underlying message is one of general goodness, even if on the surface, it's different.
Anyway, this is what I've taken away from pride this year. I hope it's treated you all well, too. I'm getting over my bitterness, but I'm going to need more people than just myself to do it.
Conjugate! | 22 verbs conjugated | permalink